Too Little Time

On a whimsy or passion-driven decision

Flew for the first time

Not on business reason

Not for any materialistic reason

But for a nobler one

For the love of a friend

For the moments spent meaningfully

Never regret a bit until I return

Just for couple of hours

Just to look at the face

Of joy and salvation

Truly have no reason at all

But when I realise that’s it

It hurts! 10 months of efforts to move on

Perfectly falls down to day 0

At the end it doesn’t even matter

No meaningful memories

Except for disheartening realities!

 

 

Once Again a Joyous Fall

Never knew it is possible to fall in love,
One more time with no conditions and reasons!
I don’t even wait or care for reciprocation
I look at his countenance:
My head stops working…
Neither because it defined
To be in my terms of handsomeness
Nor it is matured enough
To be my years of survival
A pure form of instinct drives through,
“Spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings”, I feel!
My reason keeps building a cold wall thicker and stronger,
The fire of his presence melts it down on and on…
Neither he knows his words and deeds affect me so deeply,
Nor I dare to express it in words!
But I get overwhelmed often
And want to give the world to him
Gosh! Shamelessly I am giving away
As much as I can…
Sometimes, for the jitters he gives me
Or for the joy of being in love
Or for making me feel young and chirpy
However, it is insanity in reality!
Now that I care too less,
Of conventional limitations
And of pathetic reality!
Just love losing myself in the moment…
All is fair in love and war, indeed!

Watching a high-school Romance:

Watching a high-school series:

A teen rom-com

Reflects many moments of my life

Until half the way,

After that the story continues

The way I dreamt of

It was the nearest possible dream I ever had,

Even that didn’t work out

It was unconditional,

It was so pure,

I was so naive,

Even after a decade I still wish

The dream would have come real,

My eyes were filled with sparkles of his face,

My ears were filled with melodies of his voice,

And my heart was filled with love for him!

I never had insecurities or jealousy,

Even his snide comment sounded sweet…

I always stuck with his twinkling eyes,

Neither self-esteem nor ego hindered me,

A blind frenzy and boldness called love

Drove me as crazy as possible,

I even had a telepathy connection – LOL!

But, none of my acts touched him once

Or he did say so to my dismay!

I shut all the butterflies inside,

Until they died and piled as dust

Even after 3 years of his wedding,

A question bugs me:

How could a guy choose –

A strange girl through a matrimony site

Over a girl who loves him,

Believes in him and looks up to him

On a whimsy?!?!

I swear to myself to dust the pile off

But I fail, and fail and fail….

I tried not to dig the pile

But I keep trying to clean

And get hurt!

Why is not working?

I am a Gemini – A two-sided person!

I never stick on to anything strong:

Though I get hyper-attracted to something one day,

Soon I move on to another hyper-attraction.

My favouritism keeps fluctuating,

With music, movies and fandom,

With friends, family, and relatives;

I am always open to newness:

In ten years, I switched seven jobs,

Accordingly, my priorities keep changing.

Half-a-decade ago I got rejected,

From my first love,

I went through the five stages of grief,

I console myself that I am a change lover,

So, I change sooner;

In past six years, I changed five places,

I changed three phones,

I changed two jobs,

I changed my life style,

I changed my friends too,

But one thing I am not able to change:

The way I feel about my first love!

Indeed, it’s the only love so far.

 My birth-sign characteristic of changing

Never works for one thing,

The irony is the more I change the more I miss

The more I run away from it

The more it chases me

Neither I could do something about missing him,

Nor I could do something about changing him!

Searching for Light

How much ever I hide

 It keeps haunting me

Now-a-days I act very smart ignoring it,

I keep telling myself I’m strong,

I’m not weak anymore,

Yes, I could hold for quite long,

But, not very long as I expect,

From the same old pounding heart,

And gasping breath…

I badly want to rewind my story,

Just six years back,

And pause there forever…

I wish I still get a call

To ask me whether am I ok,

Whether I had my dinner!

I wish I still can hold the tender hand,

And continue those night walks,

I wish I still can listen to the songs he sang,

And keep dreaming my future with him…

But he abandoned me in the darkness,

With no scope of light!

I am still groping for a hand,

To pull me to the light,

How could it has been so many years now?

The sad part is he doesn’t even know

He is my first love!

When he is happily married and is living far away,

How could I even tell him ‘I miss him’?

I know the truth – the love is no more!

But, why do I search him in every man I see?

The more I search the more I’m disappointed,

I am not able to find him,

In past six years,

Some days I act I am alright,

I am happy alone,

But some days (like today)

I couldn’t hold back my tears…

 How much ever I cry my eyes out,

I scream my heart out,

Once lost is lost!

Bing Bong

A friend whom I give all my space,

Whom I never want to get rid of in this lifetime!

I made him in my childhood,

With all my favourite colours,

With all my favourite animals’ furs,

With all my creativity,

With so much fun!

When I grow,

He never grows,

Never leaves me alone,

Laughs out loud for everything

With his cute cotton-candy big belly,

Gifts me with new imagination,

Keeps my fear and disgust at bay,

Takes me wherever I wish to go,

Shows me whatever I wish to see!

When I was lost once by my wrong choice,

He found me back,

Now, he is the bestie and my only bestie,

 Whom I can be naked,

Without any social etiquette,

Without any external pressure,

Without any prejudice,

Without any mask,

Without any colour!

He has never fumbled with choices,

His only priority is me,

And I choose him to be my only priority too…

But the scary part is:

Out there,

Many grown-ups grow killing

One such lovely friend they created,

But I will be lost if I lose him,

I beg him not to leave me,

‘Bing Bong, Please never fade away,

Take me to the moon!’

Bewildering Beauty

A heavenly spark,
An intellectual awakening,
A wonder in human form,
No idea how long it’s been now,
A confused worship was born,
No definite conclusion for the devotion,
Articulations of perfection,
Bold and daring poise,
Sharp and refined thoughts,
Neither fame nor money,
Can crumble the beauty into mortality,
It’s beyond worldly limits and time,
Simple and unknown,
Yet never fails to bring meaning,
Into a few lives on yearly basis…
A perfect blend of ethics and enlightenment!
After a decade of rare communication,
Still I feel so connected,
I never can belittle the fond as love,
It’s more of longing for knowledge,
It’s more of pursuing beauty,
And it’s more of submitting to truth,
A balance line between earth and heaven,
A totem that separates reality and dream,
He is the teacher and I am always his devotee!

A huge corkscrew blocked the rushing stream,
A wild stream accumulated of helplessness,
Arrested with fake fancying,
Someone poked the Cork;
The stream burst out with a roar,
Every smooth path is blocked,
Only the wilder and harder runway is open,
Flapping all the seasonal excreates of the wood,
Loosing it’s true colour,
Adopting the colour of dirt,
Running faster and wilder,
Seeking for its true colour,
And for a favourable course to run joyfully!

The Art of Endurance

Well known universal truth:
‘It’s not the Winning but the Game matters!’
Deep and dense philosophy to live through:
A running on a tread-mill
To reach a mile-away victory,
Years just slipped through the fingers,
The futility gets accustomed,
Now, the victory is vanished,
The tread-mill still runs on,
And the beauty thrives on running,
At a point,
Beyond the joy of reaching the victory,
Enduring the running is worthwhile,
Ultimately, whether pain or gain,
The expression is the same salty tears!

Life is Beautiful

Beauty is fragmented in bits and pieces:
Just four solid walls,
One wooden door,
Locked up,
Windows are opened,
A chill breeze keeps flapping the drapes,
Speakers on,
Country songs and modern melodies,
From West to East,
Perfectly blended vocals, strings, and percussions,
Cozy soft bed,
With closed eyes,
All the chaos of living is gone,
No responsibility, no duty call,
No sense of place or time,
Just feels like floating on cloud,
Oh my God!
So idle, Yet so beautiful!
Hunger just interrupts,
A fast and instant one time food,
Self cooked as per palate’s content,
By chance, ingredients get blended perfectly,
To add more beauty to the moment,
Even the simple dosa makes the eyes close,
As each piece melts in the tongue…
The immediate expression is ‘Divine’!
Then the music is on and bed is filled,
Mind is in ultimate harmony and peace,
Emotions are intact,
The day ends divinely beautiful,
With no human or mundane interruptions!