Longing to be Your Weekend

All week you survive through corporate commitments;

It’s tiring and lifeless as it sounds…

You are a physicalist who works on virtual platforms

It’s always a fight for you to get through 5 days of mundane…

You just live only 2 days by being physically active!

The way you eagerly wait for weekends makes me jealous

Unfortunately, I met you at the place you hate the most

I am part of your frustrating mundane

Though I share easily 35 hours a week with you

I want to be a part of your glorious and joyous weekends

Without sulking on your office chair,

Being active and light on your feet,

You drive, climb, jog, jump, dive and hop through your weekends;

Just the spark in your eyes looking into your weekends

Makes me long to be your weekend…

To my sanity, 10 hours of memorable moments of your weekend are enough,

Rather than 35 hours of just physical existence…

That’s the irony of you and me:

You count every time-boxed physical and tangible moments

I only count those abstract and emotional moments of timelessness!

Indeed, opposite poles hold the unfathomable mysteries to each other

I am wonderstruck of your unexplainable actions, values and weirdness;

Obsession continues…

Cutie Patootie

Judged you so badly and wanted my judgement to be true:

Just an empty sport with a spur of youth – Shallow and sleazy;

Yet another modern menace!

Wondered why I was instinctively drawn to you?

You revealed as an Edgar Allen Poe’s poem:

Line by line you shine in different shades

Still a mystery to be deciphered…

Never wanted you to grow on me

Yet you look more beautiful day by day…

Indeed, Nicholas Sparks spark the flicker:

Never imagined you to be a reckless romantic soul lurking beneath…

Wonder after wonder you are: How come a classicist are you? Jane Austen! Jules Verne!

Hopelessness dragged you to futility of War affairs though!

You glow in your aura of sportsmanship:

Discipline is the valued possession of a sportsman:

You persevere through to retain the speed and agility…

Indeed, following your passion rubs me a lot!

Yet you scare me with your masks,

With your shallowness of ‘out of sight out of mind’,

With your dark secrets and grey shades,

With your nonchalant and self-sabotaging habits!

Know not the Universal Agenda:

You did bring back life in me – anger, joy and sorrow, indeed!

Never want to slip back into nothingness and numbness anymore…

If harmlessly holding on to you helps my survival

Why not?!?

Pathetic Past Persists!

I was tied up with chaos of responsibilities;
I knew that I can never run away from them.
Sometimes, self-pity eats me up alive;
Sometimes, show-off fancy world of social media drowns me down;
Many times, I never had time to care beyond each day’s bread and butter,
And to uphold parents’ pride and family values in the society we lived;
From very young age, all I experienced through my family was how serious life is.
In fact, everyone around me made sure that having fun is sin.
I was so intertwined with the sadistic, misogynistic, and stereotypical ideologies of the society.
I had no friends who were truthful to me as I was judgemental and a disciplinarian.
It took me four decades and a huge heartbreak to learn and evolve.
Yet, due to my chained-elephant syndrome, I am still not able to break the invisible shackles.

Moving Moon

The Moon has never changed a bit:

It wanes and grows on its cycle;

As a little boy, I looked at it with wonder

As an adolescent, I am busy with mundane

I cared so less to even notice the moon…

I was on the hormonal rollercoaster ride of my youth

Figuring out my identity,

Obsessed with Dos and Donts!

Falling blindly into the wrong people’s arms,

Learning my lessons…

At an unexpected moment,

A skinny poet just swept me off,

To his dream world,

From my mundane madness;

He blindfolded my eyes with his words…

He held my arms and showed me the moon

I have never witnessed before…

I built a crystal castle with him,

On an unknown island,

Where the moon shone through every prism,

And refracted our nights into rainbows…

It was a magical magnitude!

Nobody is an exception to the law of nature:

Joy or Sorrow – Nothing is constant!

On an unexpected day,

In an unexpected way,

He locked me out of the castle,

And razed it to the ground…

Even before I rub my eyes,

Everything becomes nothing!

Now, all I can see in the dark sky

Is the same old bright moon –

Mocking at my rooflessness and loneliness…

Forbidden Friendship

Reasons kept warning me:
I was taking a blind fall.
I have been falling for years;
I can never find a landing;
My reasonable sense and sensible friends say:
It’s going to be a frozen hard ground landing,
And every bone in my body might be fractured!
I tried and tried multiple times to pull me away;
Undefined passion makes me fall for you…

I don’t have a clue what’s between you and me;
I can’t fathom:
Why we still stay connected?
Is it because you or me or both of us?
I have been pushing and pulling for years…
You have been drifting away and coming back for half-a-decade…
But there is always something between you and me:
Never can be understood or defined or labelled!

I can blame neither you nor me,
Our strings are tied tight:
To the messy knot of responsibilities,
To the impossible demands of reality!
You and I are stuck forever,
In the zone of forbidden friendship,
With uncertain possibilities,
And unknown probabilities;
Yearning for miraculous togetherness
That can never be thought out loud!

Unlabelled Relationship

I never could fathom why you came into my life…
You just slithered in my desert as an oasis,
Of joy and peace!
I keep telling myself you are just a passing cloud;
You rain for a season and disappear;
Unfortunately, you have been hanging around Easily for a half-a-decade without a reason…
I have not been reasoning the connection between you and me;
So I don’t tag a label to it.
I am holding on to you as well,
Just for the feeling of flutterbies in my gut,
Just to escape from my pathetic reality.
As much as I long to stay close to you,
I stay really far away…
As much as I want to steal a kiss from you,
I keep my guard on at your physical proximity…
As much as I want this unknown yearning to end,
I don’t want to lose you in a momentary joy or pain;
Deep down I feel you and I connect:
Beyond this physical existence,
Beyond the temporary elements of this Universe…
And so I carry you beyond space and time,
And love you beyond limitations of any relationship!

Fixer Uppers just Need Fixing

The century old wooden antique,
And fragment of my ancestor’s legacy
Was broken while transporting from its home state!
My unstoppable mind engine weaved an emotional symbolism:
Of me being so careless about the legacy,
Of me breaking the rule of my traditional family law,
Of me helplessly loosing the people whom I lived for,
This far…

Things were kept outside scattered,
They reminded me of how hopelessly I am scattered too;
No one to care or fix!
Yet, I am reminded of how much it takes to take care of someone…
So pulled away by the idea of signing up neither for taking care nor for being taken care…
After taking oath not to be entangled with any emotional bond,
I called a carpenter and fixed the wooden cupboard;
Put back all the scattered things inside.

The Peach

On a cold winter day,
You bloomed as a summer sun shine;
A passer by stamped on you to my dismay;
You survived the fatal injury to be mine!

With those googly eyes,
You stole my boring days;
With those naive wags and cries,
You stole my bean bag place…

You kept me on my toes,
By fluctuating your health quotient;
Yet, you brought joy with one cute pose.
In fact, you were my temporary patient!

You found joy in my front yard,
Just by lying on the bed of grass,
And by enjoying the breeze as a bard;
Yet, eating mud was a bit gross…

My spring break is over in May;
It is time for me to vacate.
I can never leave you to stray;
So, I found a home for you to relocate;

Thank you for letting me know
That I am capable of unconditional love!
Though it feels low,
It is time to say goodbye now.

You are My Wordless Poem

You are a poem that never finds words,
Stay inside me in abstract abundance…
I can’t fathom why I get high on you!
The more I try to find words to spit you out,
The harder I get trapped in choking silence;
I stopped figuring you out through a language;
I let you rumble inside me without expression
Sometimes, I try so hard to make sense:
Of the emotions I have for you,
Of the flutters in my gut when I hear your name,
I ended up either with smiles
Or with tears without a reason!
If I found a sensible reason to decipher the connection,
I would have moved on with many other sensible options.
You stay as the eye of a storm in me –
A beautiful silence that I always long to reach…
Beyond the roaring and tearing storm!

Withered Flowers

All along I blamed them for my cowardice,

I believed their blessing as my protection,

It hurts to realise they will be seen or heard no more…

What happened was so sudden;

When I came to my senses, it really really hurts to know:

How much I took cover behind them!

I kept blaming them for all my inabilities and insecurities;

In fact, they are the most generous parents who nurtured all my natural attributes:

Against all the odds of society and community we live;

They were kinder to me and they truly can’t bear seeing me suffering

They treated me as their queen and gave me everything…

They never let me clean their poop or pee once!

They kept saying – “we will not be a burden to you”

Sadly, they kept their words – though they were sick they never lost their mind or motion until 20 Minutes before the last breath…

I never thought dying can be this beautiful!

I was not terrified to see them passing away with less struggle and suffering…

They embraced death as if embracing an old friend:

With so much peace and conviction!

All I wish for is – my death should be as peaceful and short as my parents…

They withered beautifully back and back like a pair of well-bloomed flowers;